How we treat others begins with how we treat ourselves; lying to others begins with lying to ourselves. Not acknowledging our feelings (or dressing them up), avoiding responsibility, assuming ignorance, and conformation (self-denial) – these are all primordial forms of lying. We form an identity of a lie about ourselves, so naturally what comes out of us will have the capacity to carry lies as well.

Little lies, big lies – it doesn’t matter – trying to justify or quantify lying presents it as a norm, and eats away at our natural security, confidence, and genuine self-expression.

When we are ashamed of our mistakes, oftentimes, our first impulse is denial – in other words, lying. When we lie, we try to escape the effect of our selfishness. We want to avoid responsibility and punishment that comes with our bad behaviour. But our attempts are futile because each lie is like a chain that ties us down, restricting our freedom, entangling us in our alternate reality of fiction that we have to continually keep up. Eventually, we become so entangled in our web of lies that we fall prey to our own selfishness. People see us for what we are (or not are since the real self remains suppressed by lies) – a self-serving person who benefits at others’ expense. And the way people feel about liars is how they feel about parasites – suspicious, uneasy, and impossible to be around.

Instead of treating the symptoms – lies we tell to others – we should try to treat the source of this affliction – lies we tell ourselves. Instead of fearing what others might think of you based on how you feel or think, embrace it. They may not see you as someone you think they would approve of, but they would see you. And they would see your humanity – the capacity to be authentic, remorseful, empathetic (towards yourself and others), and capable of learning from your mistakes.