Tag: attachment

Fear Ebbs Flow

Posted on by Marko

Fear, in any form, chokes life. It dulls our senses of curiosity and exploration, curbing risk-taking while prioritizing the familiar, conservative, safe. It makes us dependent on something (or someone) that’s known, giving us a superficial form of psychological safety.

But life is not meant to be a loop, a routine, a well-treaded path, no matter how scenic or comforting it may be. Phobias and fears of things in life are often the result of our mode of being, shaped by limited experience. How we perceive ourselves relative to other people, our surroundings, to the universe, its meaning. Fear prevents us from stepping outside the marked path to make our own. And the more we conform to a pre-treaded path, the stronger the resistance to veering off it – and living. We become static – an impossibility in life that, by its very nature, is dynamic.

This illusion of safety – that we know things, that things don’t change – hardens us into moulds of our familiar environments. And as any other mould whose shape is predetermined, we live and produce monotony. Our life becomes an assembly line of tasks more than a microcosm of creative opportunities. Fear chokes life, it inhibits our authenticity and suppresses creativity. It ebbs our unscripted self expression, and genuine connection to everything.

To live and experience life to its fullest, you must take a risk and step forward. Like a toddler learning how to walk, every step is both scary and exciting because we can fall but also get farther. Embrace fear of the unknown, for it’s a signal that you are living, that you are getting to know more of the universe, and through it, your deeper self.

Karmic Detanglement

Posted on by Marko

Who we are today is the result of our past actions. As much as we want to change overnight sometimes, we can’t. There are too many strings anchoring us to our personal history. Thoughts we’ve thought and acted upon, routines we’ve developed and cemented through repeated steps, identities we’ve built based on our values and ego.

The past cannot be changed but that should not be the reason for us being stuck in it. We, separate from our past, have the capacity to change, as long as we realize it’s a process. To change is to detangle ourselves from our former actions. That means recognizing and owning what we’ve done, no matter how inconvenient, painful, or guilting it may be. By taking responsibility for our former actions, we weaken their power over us, and make space for new ones – new ways of thinking, seeing, and doing things. The accumulated karma of our past dissolves, and along with it the cause that effected our identity.

With time, we build new values that redefine who we are. We change, as we should, as everything in the universe does. Change is a natural process fundamental to our personal refinement.

The Charisma of Being

Posted on by Marko

At any moment, we have the choice of being or thinking, taking life in or trying to understand it. We instinctively strive to strike a balance between the two, but social pressures, overachievement, attachment, and deep-seeded insecurities often pin us to the thinking side of things. We overthink, therefore, we cannot be. When we think, we don’t act. We don’t show our colours. We are absent because we are in our minds, interpreting, projecting, estimating. Our awareness retreats, and with it our animation and idiosyncrasies. When we think, our personalities are closer to that of a computer than a sentient life-form. A mostly-thinker, no matter how academically brilliant, often has little charisma, a product of their reserved, withdrawn personality. They have little presence, and offer few draws for others to get to know them.

Of course, thinking is essential to one’s survival and understanding of the world. It’s the first thing we learn, but I’d like to argue it’s a predominant thing we are taught throughout our lives in this so-called modern society. An intellectual world is not a lived world, but a projected one. We think, therefore we are, but what we are is not who we are.

Thinking needs the right input for a truthful output, and that input comes through being – experiencing without labeling, engaging without expecting, listening without projecting. In short, not pre-thinking. When raw materials of life enter us as they are, we feel stimulated by their newness, and consequently, our curiosity. We process them through our unique, natural lens. We interpret the universe as it expresses itself through us, not the way we are expected to see it. And because we add a fresh perspective to our society, we stand out, in the most natural, un-egotistical way possible. The way everyone, in their unique way, has a potential of standing out. This is the charisma that inspires motivation, not envy, attraction, not attachment. It is also the essential ingredient to any truthful, selfless relationship.

Time Heals (and Erodes)

Posted on by Marko

Most of us are familiar with the axiom time heals – but I’d like to add that time erodes as well. Like most things in this universe, there are 2 poles to time, a constructive one and a deconstructive opposite. Passage of time gives us the capacity to heal our wounds, physical and psychological. Our body stitches itself according to its DNA instructions, while our mind creates new neural connections by processing and learning from challenges that initially bruised it.

But what of time erosion? Every so often, as our lives flow, we get a certain primal sensation to pay attention. A call to life-action, so to speak: intuitive feelings, wholesome desires, sudden clarities – things that freely upwell from within. During these brief moments, we feel we are one with the universe. We truly understand without needing to put thoughts into words. These transformative opportunities tend to be loud at first, but their call quickly silences if they are not acted upon. Their silence keeps us static and routine-driven, limiting the scope of our life and its possibilities. And when attachment to routine or familiar defines our normal, we stop exploring and start obsessing, walking the same exact steps day in and day out.

If you feel compelled to do something, do it now. Don’t put it off until some imaginary future date or circumstance. Future does not exist, no matter how certain it may seem in our minds. The more we put things off, the more time we waste – the only resource in this universe that is truly non-renewable. Respecting yourself (and your potential) starts with respecting your time.

Superlatives: Inferior Identities

Posted on by Marko

My best friend, my finest work, my greatest belief etc. – grandiose, self-identifying statements with self-pooring effects. When we label something as being of the highest order, we place a limit on our potential, others, and the world, as we perceive them. When we tell ourselves such narratives, we interrupt the ever-unfolding journey of life and feel like we’ve reached a destination. Comfort and security of accomplishment set in, and the spark of life, the curiosity and hunger for the unknown, for exploration and discovery, wanes. In short, we see less and correspondingly get less.

When we use superlatives to describe our relationships, we create attachments to people, activities, and things – not as they are, but as we perceive them to be. When we attach ourselves, we are less likely to try something new. We depend on, and often demand, a standard as prescribed by our superlative. A best friend should do this and that, and if they don’t, something is wrong. A finest work communicates that I can’t do any better. A greatest belief is one that reduces the beautiful relativity of individuality and the universe down to subjective absolutism.

Make and explore connections within your slice of the universe, but don’t make them your roadblocks. No matter how ecstatic and happiness-inducing an experience is, it is still part of a process of highs and lows. In fact, we must have lows to experience and identify highs, but there is no limit on their height, unless you assign it.

Mind-Heart

Posted on by Marko

Our minds are essential to practical life and establishing the familiar, as well as our relationship to it. But beyond practicality, a mind, left unbalanced, can also thwart life because it is uncomfortable with change. New information about the world or self challenges the mind’s subjective reality that it worked so hard to create and understand. It’s a threat to mind’s established identity. In short, the mind wants what is, not what will be. It wants what is familiar, labeled or labelable, not unquantifiable possibilities or change. Some of the most intense suffering we endure in our lives is psychological, stemming from change and our attachments to what was.

Since life is one continuous process of change, and our society puts disproportionate emphasis on our mental abilities, it is crucial that we balance this harder part of ourselves with a softer one. I call it the heart, others call it something else, but they point to the same emotional intelligence that penetrates labels, and gives numbers and theorems meaning beyond their formulae.

Our mind separates us from our surroundings through differentiation, our heart unifies by seeking interrelatedness. A heart wants change, evolution, growth, even if it means pain in the short-term. It’s fiercely driven by curiosity, a passion to discover and connect. It leads us to new worlds and realizations, pastures for our mind (and us) to feed on and grow from.

Idolatry of Seriousness

Posted on by Marko

Nothing matters, and everything matters. Taking things too seriously is another form of idolatry – it narrows your life down to their scope, which gives them control over you. This can be anything from a person to an activity to an objective or an object. Having these idols of seriousness strips your life and personality of spark, and stimulates fervent craving, frustration and impatience. The infinite totality of your surroundings and inner potential is reduced to a few markers you worship as being absolute truths or boundaries. You live to feel safe, not to enjoy life. Ironically, too much seriousness produces fear, dependence, and emotional volatility. It spans the same spectrum as dogmatic religion – you are easily offended, and in return, are liberal with your offenses to defend those things you deem too serious, too holy, even if you don’t label them as such.

What liberates and enlightens is this moment, any moment, as long as you are present within it. It is everything because it is real, it is your life at present. This synchronicity of reality and awareness matters, because it aligns you with life as it unfolds. When you are aligned, you make more informed decisions, because they come from within (moment’s grace), not without (idols of seriousness). One way to cultivate the moment is to balance thinking with feeling, and then sprinkle it with playfulness. Overthinking produces projections, and with them, expectations and disappointments. It also encourages rigid, scripted behaviour, which gives few rewards in life beyond ticking check-boxes of acceptable behaviour and feeling safe. Life demands spark to keep on evolving: the unexpected, the spontaneous, the playful. These are the catalysts that motivate and move us forward – they express our inner potential, and help us evolve.

Ultimately, most situations we deem serious are reminders that we are trapped, that we have gripped certain elements in our life too tightly, and can’t let go. We can feel this intuitively and directly. It is a feeling of anxiety, as if something is gnawing at our heart, trying to reduce or contain it. This awareness alone is enough to loosen the grip, because you can pinpoint its source. To disarm it, try doing something unexpected, or adding some humour to the situation. The effect may not be instant, but it’ll give you the space to move forward.

Genuine Disobedience

Posted on by Marko

You cannot make a connection with those who seek validation, followers, or spotlight. There is no space for the whole of you, just your obedience. You are their ego fodder or accessory, not a person, not a friend. If you care about those people, the best thing you can do is challenge them. Or at least stand up for your beliefs and opinions, no matter how hard they try to steamroll over them. If they persist, walk away. Relationships are built on agreements and differences, glue and fertilizer. Both should be respected and explored – they are the premise and promise of a human connection.

Tasting Passion

Posted on by Marko

Passion comes in two primary flavours:

  1. ambition, the self-serving kind that spawns cravings, expectations, and isolation
  2. compassion, the selfless kind that builds connection and brings happiness.

Like most things, it has two poles, and a wide spectrum in-between. Both poles pull you and provide motivation, but build different outcomes.

Lens of Reality

Posted on by Marko

Belief is the most powerful force in our lives, because it shapes our reality. It influences how we see the world, others, ourselves. We give our independance and authority to someone else because we believe they know better. We let religions, corporations, and governments indocternate us with their interests because we believe they mean to do well for us. Belief is so profoundly immersive that we rarely register when these “well-intended” iterests become crusades, exploitation, and nationalism. The abnormal become the norm because we let them, because we believe in the potential of an authority’s planted seed. And when it sprouts, it entangles us, intoxicates us, and assimilates us. A new, poorer reality, one painted by dependence and insecurity, is born, and we live it. We become trapped in it.

Guard your beliefs and you will preserve authority over your own life. Make symbiotic connections with others but don’t let their labels, titles, or charisma influence who you become. Authenticity empowers us, and societies, by bringing an individual out of a number. By embracing uniqueness over conformation, we embrace inventiveness, empathy, and stronger bonds between each other and the planet.

Shift your beliefs and you will shift your reality. Shift your beliefs and you will lift your self-imposed limitations.