Of Needs and Independence

There is a difference between what we want and what we need. Wants are often intellectual pursuits, many of which are prescribed to us through social norms, ideologies, expectations, and our own ego. Needs are different. Needs upwell from within. We discover them through a non-craving attraction that feels as natural as breathing. It is through needs that we uncover ourselves, that we feel purpose, and motivation. That we feel alive.

One of the needs that seems to be universal is the need to be independent but connected. Expressing our unique voice but listening to other voices as well, with equal respect. Understanding that we are one of many sharing the same space-time, trying to figure out how we fit in. Communication is a bi-directional exchange of idea, feelings, perspectives. It is not preaching or having it your way. Nor is it being passive or conforming, and having someone have it their way.  Communication is a connection that unites us, and us to an even greater whole.

Through this authentic connection we benefit as individuals as well as groups. Like molecules within a lattice, each unique but strengthening the other, building up a structure whose whole exceeds the sum of its individual parts. Living things are made of molecules but possess an awareness, a consciousness that cannot be understood or measured by examining molecules alone. Being a filament within this greater identity is what we deeply yearn for, what we need, but don’t know how to pursue.

Try taking without expecting, then giving without indebting. Or the reverse. Either way, you’re planting seeds of connection.  For independence and individuality without connection is loneliness, and that is one thing none of us want, but most of us have.

Time Heals (and Erodes)

Most of us are familiar with the axiom time heals – but I’d like to add that time erodes as well. Like most things in this universe, there are 2 poles to time, a constructive one and a deconstructive opposite. Passage of time gives us the capacity to heal our wounds, physical and psychological. Our body stitches itself according to its DNA instructions, while our mind creates new neural connections by processing and learning from challenges that initially bruised it.

But what of time erosion? Every so often, as our lives flow, we get a certain primal sensation to pay attention. A call to life-action, so to speak: intuitive feelings, wholesome desires, sudden clarities – things that freely upwell from within. During these brief moments, we feel we are one with the universe. We truly understand without needing to put thoughts into words. These transformative opportunities tend to be loud at first, but their call quickly silences if they are not acted upon. Their silence keeps us static and routine-driven, limiting the scope of our life and its possibilities. And when attachment to routine or familiar defines our normal, we stop exploring and start obsessing, walking the same exact steps day in and day out.

If you feel compelled to do something, do it now. Don’t put it off until some imaginary future date or circumstance. Future does not exist, no matter how certain it may seem in our minds. The more we put things off, the more time we waste – the only resource in this universe that is truly non-renewable. Respecting yourself (and your potential) starts with respecting your time.

Life & Lifestyle

Our lifestyle determines the quality and potential of our life. What you eat is what makes you, and what makes you is how you feel and perceive the world around you. A healthy lifestyle generates benefits beyond good blood test results – it motivates us, fortifying our ability to embrace life deeper, broader, longer.

Drink soda, and our energy levels become erratic, almost bipolar – a quick, anxious high followed by a depressive crash. Eat a fatty burger, and we feel comatose. Imagine what consuming these malnourishing foods long-term does to your body – and personality. The quality of energy that fuels us is what drives (or stalls) us in life.

We feel high on life when we feel motivated and purposeful. Instead of looking for motivation per se outside yourself, look for ways of producing higher quality energy within. That energy is the fuel that animates you and the appearance of the world that surrounds you. The cleaner the energy, the more you can be present, attentive, and in touch with what you are and want in life. Eating nutrient-rich, unprocessed foods, and staying physically active are essential ingredients to life. They are fundamental precursors to your physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing.

Respecting yourself starts with respecting your body, your vessel in this physical existence. I disagree with philosophies of mind over body or spirit over body – those statements may sound grandiose and bold, but are ultimately short-lived because your mind and spirit cannot exist in this dimension without its physical counterpart. And a healthy physical counterpart at that. I prefer the approach of mind/spirit with body. A partnership of equal weight.

To me, staying fit is fundamental. I don’t obsess over it nor do I see it as work. It is a lifestyle choice, one which furthers my potential and ability to do more in life. To hike farther, to make love longer, to lend a helping hand more often, to be confident in who I am and what I can do. In short, to do and try.

Like many people, I’ve often asked myself what makes a good life. The best answer I can come up with at this moment is that a life well lived is a life well journeyed.

Our Wallets Carry Our Values

Our values, those things that define us, materialize and extend through our acts. But that is not always the case when we engage in commerce. When we buy something, we create demand for that thing. Instead of making it ourselves, we pay someone else (usually someones) to make it for us. The problem is not in the exchange (for example, dollars for a shirt), it is in the psychology of a transaction. Transactions, at face value, don’t carry value beyond material – it is the exchange of one commodity for another. Our values are not carried along the line of exchange. And it shows en masse. Many of us feel that when we buy something, the burden of moral responsibility suddenly falls on the seller to do what we deem “right”. And if they don’t, if their manner of sourcing our shirt involves employing teenage girls forced to do manual labour at 25 cents an hour, well then it’s on them, not us. By transacting with someone, we outsource our moral obligations. We separate ourselves from social responsibility, and rarely accept it if things go awry.

We are all aware that slavery is still a thing, that suffering and exploitation are the essential processes in sourcing and making cheap products. Cheap for us, expensive for many other parties. Intuitively, we know that a shirt cannot cost $10 if it’s made of cotton, shipped from half a world away, and makes profit for multiple suppliers along its chain of production. And yet, the price tag says $10. So what’s the trade-off? When we think about what something is worth in dollar terms, we often subconsciously price in our personal values. Profit-first companies, on the other hand, don’t think or have the same values as us. Their guiding principle is the profit margin. By shedding other perceived costs, which include many of what we would call moral considerations, they stamp an MSRP of $10. The product may look and work like something we wanted, but it’s devoid of our values. Its utility is there, but our connection to the product is lost. The mounting number of products in the disposable or “fast x” category is a testament to that.

The cheapness of these anonymously sourced or morally washed products hides a personal cost too high to bury. When we talk out in public, or think to ourselves, we all balk at the idea or proposition of human exploitation, animal torture, and environmental destruction. And yet, we almost assuredly support – worse, fund – these same practices through our acts of commerce. Buying without thinking (beyond our personal needs) is the ignorance that breeds inequality in our current, profit-first flavour of capitalism.

Ultimately, voting (or protesting) with our wallet on which corporate practices and which companies deserve our capital (economic power), is an actionable form of expressing our values, and of social justice – especially when we do it collectively. Whom or what do we want to empower? Capital accumulation shapes our capitalist world, and the form our society takes. It defines what is normal.

Yes, the corporate world and its supply chains are a labyrinth, and many companies resort to green and social washing in their marketing practices. It’s a manifestation of greed. But commerce, like everything else, is not binary, and a cleaner choice is better than making no choice at all. You wouldn’t want a stranger representing you, a manufacturer is no different. Look them up on the Internet – there are many websites that publish social responsibility reports on most larger companies. Or talk directly to the manufacturer and intuit their responses to your questions. Do their values align with yours? If so, the product will be an embodiment and extension of your beliefs.

Also, think about why and what you are buying. Is it something you truly need, or could it be a craving born out of insecurity or a mere distraction for a dull or unhappy life? Can you get a previously used version of the product? Yes, doing all this takes effort, but it is energy purposefully spent, for it actionably communicates your values (who you are) to the world. It is a form of self-respect, and a rejection of commercial herding that greed often precipitates on us. Choose what makes you, not what tempts you.

Death of a Sparrow

I came across a circle of sparrows on a sidewalk, all directing their attention, and concern, toward the centre. Laying in it was a dying sparrow. She was on her back, spasming, wings flapping uncontrollably – likely a window or car strike. Within a few moments, all movement ceased, and her avian companions flew off.

I picked up and cupped the motionless sparrow in my palms, hoping to detect or encourage any signs of life. There were none, only a limp, flatlined body. I placed her at the base of a nearby tree, stroked her head, and let the moment sink. My first reaction was one of sorrow. Another victim of endless terraforming. But looking around at her companions, who resumed flying, playing, chirping, courting, soaring freely through the air, my feelings brightened. This sweet bird may have died, but she also lived, and, if her companions are any indication, lived to her fullest.

Isn’t that what life should be about? Letting go, and taking the risk of living freely? Soaring to heights of our full potential, rather than mucking along, ensnared on habit, insecurity, conformation, and our endless obsession of being productive (and hence worthy according to some standard du jour)? Life is short, may be a cliche, but it is rooted in our intuition – something we should act on rather than talk about. Instead, we often act as if our lives are permanent: delaying, procrastinating, sticking to the familiar, etc. What the death of this beautiful sparrow reminded me is that our time is finite, and infinitely more precious than anything else we give value to in life. We need to respect it, and use it to broaden our reality, our scope of life, our taste of the unknown. The more we know, the more we are.

Death often strikes suddenly, and with little to no time to prepare. Sometimes, I think of my hypothetical posthumous self reflecting back on life. Was it lived well, freely, and fully? What did I want to do, but didn’t make the time to do it? I find asking these questions, even without providing any answers, adds drive and curiosity to life.

Present Tension

Living in the present starts with the fundamental belief that you can change now. Now exists, the future does not, the past has passed. The first is real, the other two are either fantasy or history. The first anchors you to life, the other two remove you from it.

Since our language describes our relationship to the world, we can start embracing the present there. Instead of having three strictly defined temporal tenses, let’s reduce them to two: Present Expressed and Present Expressing. Both are real-time, both describe life as it naturally flows, but neither pins you to a point in history or anticipation of future events. Imagine that both tenses describe a natural evolution of the universe, in which you participate in your own authentic, natural manner. If you need labels, you can call it grace, destiny, fate or whatever else points you toward that process. As the universe unfolds, so does time – time measured not through minutes or seconds, but through changes in and around us. Those changes that have taken place are part of Present Expressed, a tense describing the form and course that the universe has naturally taken. The Present Expressing represents the continual evolution of the universe and our participation in it. We are all variables within this tense, and we all matter, so long as we embrace our authenticity. Through or without it, we steer the evolution of the universe to some infinitesimal degree.

The right behaviour is authentic behavior, and this behaviour expresses itself through our continual decisions. Don’t ask yourself if this is the right thing to do – ask yourself if this is the authentic thing to do. Are you acting from within or out of fear or imposed duty? The form that our lives, and by extension the universe (sum total of every life and everything), assume after an authentically expressed decision, will be natural and right, because it comes from a natural place. Think of yourself as an element, like oxygen or helium. Each element behaves in its own, unique way because of its nature, and yet together they hold the universe together and are part of its continual evolution.

Tasting Passion

Passion comes in two primary flavours:

  1. ambition, the self-serving kind that spawns cravings, expectations, and isolation
  2. compassion, the selfless kind that builds connection and brings happiness.

Like most things, it has two poles, and a wide spectrum in-between. Both poles pull you and provide motivation, but build different outcomes.

Choose to Act

Fantasizing and daydreaming stem from overthinking and not doing, not expressing your feelings, intuitions, or natural desires. Once you understand what is on your mind or in your heart (usually the two are connected), choose to act. Embrace the discomfort, and shyness, fear, and pre-judgement will blow away. You will feel filled with life, nurtured by the fullness of a moment, with no projections, no expectations – and no disappointments. Choose to experience life and your natural role in it, for what they are, not for what you imagine them to be.

Relationship with the Universe

Your relationship to the world matters, it is the original lens behind how you see reality. Our world, and the universe as a whole, is not a scary place. It is our home and origin. Love and see it, with its many forms, as you do yourself, and you will feel a connection, a natural belonging, nurture. You are a loved part of that ever-expanding, Self-completing whole. You matter to it, and when you recognize and feel that, it matters to you. The universe sustains you in so many ways, and you help shape it through your thoughts and acts.

On Identity (part 1 of many) 

Who am I? The problem of answering starts with the question that seeks to strip down something uniquely formless into a familiar, standardized group of adjectives. Personally, I prefer the less literal approach of pointing toward how one perceives reality – through acts and authentic expression – rather than passively describing it. We are bundles of life experience glued by an inner essence. The changeable and the unchangeable. All the connections we make with people and the world give us concrete form to say we are this or that. But we often forget to zoom out, attaching ourselves to individual parts of the bundle, when instead we are closer to being their sum. A sum whose potential is not only greater than the totality of its individual components, but also unquantifiable (nor should it be unless you wished to reduce it). It is us a communion of the known (conscious, learned, experienced) and the unknown (deeper, unmanifested awareness). When we allow this synthesis to take place, we feel more complete, and we begin to feel the depths of who we are. We let ourselves be, to belong. We learn to purposefully navigate the world – but also to extend and transform it, through acts of compassion and selflessness. The universe is a canvas, and we are one of its countless brushstrokes.