Tag: self-expression

JC’s Ethos

Posted on by Marko

He relished in unabashed authenticity. It’s also how JC loved you – perfectly un-fairytale-like and imperfectly human. It felt real in every sense, with no traces of conditioning, transactionality, or reciprocity for reciprocity’s sake. He gave because he wanted to. Took when he needed to. Reminded you of life’s priorities when you had forgotten them. No sugar-coating or repressing. He was just a cat – as most humans would put it – but to me he was a person with more depth and presence than many humans I’ve known. He let you into his world, with wide eyes and acknowledging meows, chrips, and purrs.

He didn’t care much for politeness and good behaviour. To him, they were inauthentic and wasteful of time and opportunity. I agreed, and thanked his sagely feistiness those few times I mindlessly addressed him as just a cat. He cared for showing you how he felt and what he wanted, with no second-guessing or reservations. JC was an empath, checking in every few minutes by reading your eyes – their lines, tension, shape. He knew the mood you were in, even if you weren’t admitting it to yourself. Stoicism didn’t fool him – he knew me for the emotional person that I am, and that emotionality is also where him and I connected: perfectly excitable when called for, and equally frustrated when our freedom-flapping wings got clipped.

Some people meditate to recenter and regain composure. I do too, except my meditation now includes a mental image of JC, which reminds me of the kind of relationships I wish to forge with others, and myself.

Reintegration

Posted on by Marko

See the World as you yourself. Love it, as you love yourself, and you will not fear it. Love others without qualifications, assumptions, or reservations and you will feel them, not just see or describe them. Their depth matches yours. Together our depth is infinite.

Hope and Fear are self-centeredness, self importance, arising due to the self directed separation from the Whole. The Whole from which you were carved. Hope and Fear are two sides of the same coin of Insecurity. Insecurity arising from self directed isolation, self inflicted loneliness. If you prioritize your little self over the big Self, you rob yourself. You perceive and live less. Being one with the big Self, you gain wisdom, connection, and live more. A statue has a fixed shape, but a rock that it was carved from has unlimited potential to express itself. Be a person, but don’t forget the planet that nourishes and gives us form.

Lying: Cause and (In)effect

Posted on by Marko

How we treat others begins with how we treat ourselves; lying to others begins with lying to ourselves. Not acknowledging our feelings (or dressing them up), avoiding responsibility, assuming ignorance, and conformation (self-denial) – these are all primordial forms of lying. We form an identity of a lie about ourselves, so naturally what comes out of us will have the capacity to carry lies as well.

Little lies, big lies – it doesn’t matter – trying to justify or quantify lying presents it as a norm, and eats away at our natural security, confidence, and genuine self-expression.

When we are ashamed of our mistakes, oftentimes, our first impulse is denial – in other words, lying. When we lie, we try to escape the effect of our selfishness. We want to avoid responsibility and punishment that comes with our bad behaviour. But our attempts are futile because each lie is like a chain that ties us down, restricting our freedom, entangling us in our alternate reality of fiction that we have to continually keep up. Eventually, we become so entangled in our web of lies that we fall prey to our own selfishness. People see us for what we are (or not are since the real self remains suppressed by lies) – a self-serving person who benefits at others’ expense. And the way people feel about liars is how they feel about parasites – suspicious, uneasy, and impossible to be around.

Instead of treating the symptoms – lies we tell to others – we should try to treat the source of this affliction – lies we tell ourselves. Instead of fearing what others might think of you based on how you feel or think, embrace it. They may not see you as someone you think they would approve of, but they would see you. And they would see your humanity – the capacity to be authentic, remorseful, empathetic (towards yourself and others), and capable of learning from your mistakes.

Of Needs and Independence

Posted on by Marko

There is a difference between what we want and what we need. Wants are often intellectual pursuits, many of which are prescribed to us through social norms, ideologies, expectations, and our own ego. Needs are different. Needs upwell from within. We discover them through a non-craving attraction that feels as natural as breathing. It is through needs that we uncover ourselves, that we feel purpose, and motivation. That we feel alive.

One of the needs that seems to be universal is the need to be independent but connected. Expressing our unique voice but listening to other voices as well, with equal respect. Understanding that we are one of many sharing the same space-time, trying to figure out how we fit in. Communication is a bi-directional exchange of idea, feelings, perspectives. It is not preaching or having it your way. Nor is it being passive or conforming, and having someone have it their way.  Communication is a connection that unites us, and us to an even greater whole.

Through this authentic connection we benefit as individuals as well as groups. Like molecules within a lattice, each unique but strengthening the other, building up a structure whose whole exceeds the sum of its individual parts. Living things are made of molecules but possess an awareness, a consciousness that cannot be understood or measured by examining molecules alone. Being a filament within this greater identity is what we deeply yearn for, what we need, but don’t know how to pursue.

Try taking without expecting, then giving without indebting. Or the reverse. Either way, you’re planting seeds of connection.  For independence and individuality without connection is loneliness, and that is one thing none of us want, but most of us have.

Fear Ebbs Flow

Posted on by Marko

Fear, in any form, chokes life. It dulls our senses of curiosity and exploration, curbing risk-taking while prioritizing the familiar, conservative, safe. It makes us dependent on something (or someone) that’s known, giving us a superficial form of psychological safety.

But life is not meant to be a loop, a routine, a well-treaded path, no matter how scenic or comforting it may be. Phobias and fears of things in life are often the result of our mode of being, shaped by limited experience. How we perceive ourselves relative to other people, our surroundings, to the universe, its meaning. Fear prevents us from stepping outside the marked path to make our own. And the more we conform to a pre-treaded path, the stronger the resistance to veering off it – and living. We become static – an impossibility in life that, by its very nature, is dynamic.

This illusion of safety – that we know things, that things don’t change – hardens us into moulds of our familiar environments. And as any other mould whose shape is predetermined, we live and produce monotony. Our life becomes an assembly line of tasks more than a microcosm of creative opportunities. Fear chokes life, it inhibits our authenticity and suppresses creativity. It ebbs our unscripted self expression, and genuine connection to everything.

To live and experience life to its fullest, you must take a risk and step forward. Like a toddler learning how to walk, every step is both scary and exciting because we can fall but also get farther. Embrace fear of the unknown, for it’s a signal that you are living, that you are getting to know more of the universe, and through it, your deeper self.

The Charisma of Being

Posted on by Marko

At any moment, we have the choice of being or thinking, taking life in or trying to understand it. We instinctively strive to strike a balance between the two, but social pressures, overachievement, attachment, and deep-seeded insecurities often pin us to the thinking side of things. We overthink, therefore, we cannot be. When we think, we don’t act. We don’t show our colours. We are absent because we are in our minds, interpreting, projecting, estimating. Our awareness retreats, and with it our animation and idiosyncrasies. When we think, our personalities are closer to that of a computer than a sentient life-form. A mostly-thinker, no matter how academically brilliant, often has little charisma, a product of their reserved, withdrawn personality. They have little presence, and offer few draws for others to get to know them.

Of course, thinking is essential to one’s survival and understanding of the world. It’s the first thing we learn, but I’d like to argue it’s a predominant thing we are taught throughout our lives in this so-called modern society. An intellectual world is not a lived world, but a projected one. We think, therefore we are, but what we are is not who we are.

Thinking needs the right input for a truthful output, and that input comes through being – experiencing without labeling, engaging without expecting, listening without projecting. In short, not pre-thinking. When raw materials of life enter us as they are, we feel stimulated by their newness, and consequently, our curiosity. We process them through our unique, natural lens. We interpret the universe as it expresses itself through us, not the way we are expected to see it. And because we add a fresh perspective to our society, we stand out, in the most natural, un-egotistical way possible. The way everyone, in their unique way, has a potential of standing out. This is the charisma that inspires motivation, not envy, attraction, not attachment. It is also the essential ingredient to any truthful, selfless relationship.

Time Heals (and Erodes)

Posted on by Marko

Most of us are familiar with the axiom time heals – but I’d like to add that time erodes as well. Like most things in this universe, there are 2 poles to time, a constructive one and a deconstructive opposite. Passage of time gives us the capacity to heal our wounds, physical and psychological. Our body stitches itself according to its DNA instructions, while our mind creates new neural connections by processing and learning from challenges that initially bruised it.

But what of time erosion? Every so often, as our lives flow, we get a certain primal sensation to pay attention. A call to life-action, so to speak: intuitive feelings, wholesome desires, sudden clarities – things that freely upwell from within. During these brief moments, we feel we are one with the universe. We truly understand without needing to put thoughts into words. These transformative opportunities tend to be loud at first, but their call quickly silences if they are not acted upon. Their silence keeps us static and routine-driven, limiting the scope of our life and its possibilities. And when attachment to routine or familiar defines our normal, we stop exploring and start obsessing, walking the same exact steps day in and day out.

If you feel compelled to do something, do it now. Don’t put it off until some imaginary future date or circumstance. Future does not exist, no matter how certain it may seem in our minds. The more we put things off, the more time we waste – the only resource in this universe that is truly non-renewable. Respecting yourself (and your potential) starts with respecting your time.

Expose Yourself

Posted on by Marko

When we feel shame, we conform. And when we conform, we betray ourselves, our authentic nature, by acting the way others expect us to act. The feeling of shame is a keystone to so many of our insecurities. It holds us back through the fear of being judged by someone else’s standards. Ironically, we think when we submit to conformation, we’ll be liked more, but such appeal is very superficial, lacking substance to create real social bonds.

Feeling ashamed on any level weakens us, suppresses us. It can be the way we look, dress, think, talk, philosophize, laugh, feel, – any authentic expression or idiosyncrasy that represents our essential identity.

Shame is a powerful, primal emotion that separates. By feeling shame, we create distance between us and the people in our lives. Shame makes us less authentic, at best, right down to inauthentic, at worst. When we’re ashamed, we’re more likely to be covert and cautious with our genuine feelings and thoughts about something. We communicate partial truths or override them altogether. The result of all this self-censoring is our inability to form and maintain meaningful and authentic social bonds. If there is no genuine attraction between people, which comes about through freespiritedness of expression, there is also no way to form genuine relationships.

So I say, expose yourself. Be naked and generous in your expression: your opinions, views, creativity, feelings, compassion, giving, and especially loving. It may feel painful at first (for it is practiced by few), but it is also empowering, both to self, and to your relationships.

Don’t follow others, inspire them by being unapologetically you.

Life & Lifestyle

Posted on by Marko

Our lifestyle determines the quality and potential of our life. What you eat is what makes you, and what makes you is how you feel and perceive the world around you. A healthy lifestyle generates benefits beyond good blood test results – it motivates us, fortifying our ability to embrace life deeper, broader, longer.

Drink soda, and our energy levels become erratic, almost bipolar – a quick, anxious high followed by a depressive crash. Eat a fatty burger, and we feel comatose. Imagine what consuming these malnourishing foods long-term does to your body – and personality. The quality of energy that fuels us is what drives (or stalls) us in life.

We feel high on life when we feel motivated and purposeful. Instead of looking for motivation per se outside yourself, look for ways of producing higher quality energy within. That energy is the fuel that animates you and the appearance of the world that surrounds you. The cleaner the energy, the more you can be present, attentive, and in touch with what you are and want in life. Eating nutrient-rich, unprocessed foods, and staying physically active are essential ingredients to life. They are fundamental precursors to your physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing.

Respecting yourself starts with respecting your body, your vessel in this physical existence. I disagree with philosophies of mind over body or spirit over body – those statements may sound grandiose and bold, but are ultimately short-lived because your mind and spirit cannot exist in this dimension without its physical counterpart. And a healthy physical counterpart at that. I prefer the approach of mind/spirit with body. A partnership of equal weight.

To me, staying fit is fundamental. I don’t obsess over it nor do I see it as work. It is a lifestyle choice, one which furthers my potential and ability to do more in life. To hike farther, to make love longer, to lend a helping hand more often, to be confident in who I am and what I can do. In short, to do and try.

Like many people, I’ve often asked myself what makes a good life. The best answer I can come up with at this moment is that a life well lived is a life well journeyed.

Potting Invasive Thoughts

Posted on by Marko

There are thoughts that possess us and reduce our complexity to a compulsion. These invasive thoughts sprout from self-doubting seeds, breeding insecurity and conformation. When left unrecognized, they take root in the ground of our being. Their growth is exponential and parasitic, preying on our sense of self while giving little outside suffering in return. They possess us to the degree of losing control over our behaviour, priorities, and values. They alter our reality, our sense of normal.

Yet these invasive species of our mind should not be ignored, suppressed, or ripped out – just potted. Don’t let them take root in your garden, your ground of self, but give them space to make themselves known, contained in a mental pot. When understood, these dark seeds are wells of deeper information that our self-preservation often buries. They contain records of our interaction with world and life. Be aware of your feelings and seek out their origin. Embrace them without becoming them. By identifying the roots that vie for control over us, we control them. They become an adviser, not an adversary.